What does my ass being like a baby pumpkin have to do with this post? Absolutely nothing. It just seemed fitting seeing as Halloween is nearing. Ahh, the time of year where we sulk embarassingly while devouring a bulk bag of candy we had to buy, reminiscing about the time when we used to get this shit for free just for knocking on doors and looking cute. I guess that’s why people have children, at least partially. I intend on sending my tiny crotch goblin out in hopes she brings back Almond Joys and Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups. I guess that kind of makes me sound like a candy pimp? Whatever…work it cute little child. Momma needs her next chocolate fix ASAP.